Our First Thanksgiving Apart: What I Learned About Splitting Holidays
By Jennifer M., Parent from Chicago · · Tools
Real parent shares how they navigated their first holiday season post-divorce, including what worked, what didn't, and advice for other parents.
When my ex and I sat down to figure out Thanksgiving, I thought it would be simple. Split the day in half, right? Wrong.
The Naive Plan
In August, my ex-husband Mark and I met at Starbucks to discuss holidays. "Thanksgiving is easy," he said. "I'll take them in the morning, you take them in the afternoon." We shook hands. Fifteen minutes, done.
Fast forward to November and panic mode hit hard.
Reality Check
Where would the handoff happen? My family's Thanksgiving was 30 minutes in one direction, Mark's mom 40 minutes the other way. If I left at 1:30 to get the kids at 2:00, I'd miss the entire meal with my family.
I called Mark. "This isn't working. The kids can't eat two full dinners, and I can't miss my family's meal to drive across the city."
The Solution
We met again and got real. Mark suggested: "What if we didn't split Thanksgiving at all? You take it this year, I take it next year?"
My chest tightened. Not seeing my kids on Thanksgiving? But looking at the logistics, he was right. The kids would have one real holiday instead of rushing through two.
What We Decided
- Alternate Thanksgiving each year (Wednesday after school through Friday morning)
- The other parent gets Christmas that year
- We alternate New Year's celebrations and share a few photos during the holidays
- We build in extra weekends for grandparents to see the kids
- No rushed returns - morning after the holiday works better for everyone
Key Lessons I Learned
Half-holidays simply don't work. When you split the day, everyone watches the clock and nobody truly enjoys the holiday. The kids feel rushed, and the magic of the day is lost in logistics.
Get specific about timing early. "Morning and afternoon" means different things to different people. Use exact pickup and drop-off times in your agreement to avoid confusion and conflict later.
My son later told me he was relieved when we stopped planning to split the day. He'd been quietly worrying about leaving Grandma's house early and missing time with his cousins.
Two Years Later
This is our third holiday season with this schedule, and it genuinely works. The kids know exactly what to expect each year. Our stress levels are dramatically lower, and holiday time feels more meaningful.
Last Thanksgiving was Mark's year. I went to a spa, spent time with friends, and relaxed. When the kids came back Friday morning, I was genuinely refreshed and ready to hear all their stories about the holiday.
The biggest lesson? Perfect doesn't exist in divorce. But with honest communication, flexibility, and willingness to try new approaches, you can create something that actually works for your family.