12 BIFF Messaging Templates for High-Conflict Co-Parents (2026)
By Expert-Reviewed Content · · Communication
Bottom line: Copy-paste BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) templates that lower the temperature of any custody exchange — without surrendering ground.
Bottom line: BIFF works because it removes the hooks a high-conflict co-parent uses to restart an argument. Use these 12 templates verbatim, or as a starting point for your own library.
Schedule changes
- "Thanks for the update. I can do 5:30 p.m. Tuesday at the school. If that does not work, please send two times that do."
- "Confirming pickup Friday at 6:00 p.m. at my home. I will text on arrival."
Money and reimbursements
- "Receipt attached for the school field trip ($42). Per the order, half is $21. Venmo or check is fine — please confirm by Friday."
- "I received your reimbursement request. I will review and respond within 7 days as our plan requires."
When the other parent is hostile
- "I will not respond to the personal comments. On the logistics: Saturday pickup is at noon."
- "Let us keep messages focused on the kids. Please send your proposal for the holiday schedule and I will reply by Sunday."
Where PeacePath fits
The Communication Coach scans drafts for tone, sarcasm, and trigger phrases before you hit send. Free users get monthly scans; paid tiers unlock unlimited rewrites. See /tools/communication.
Disclaimer: Informational only. Not legal advice. Consult a licensed family law attorney in your state.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does BIFF stand for?
Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm. It was developed by Bill Eddy at the High Conflict Institute to defuse hostile communication.
Does BIFF mean I have to be nice to a hostile co-parent?
No. Friendly means civil, not warm. The goal is to remove emotional hooks, not to placate.
Can BIFF messages be used in court?
Yes — and they tend to make you look reasonable, which matters when a judge is comparing two communication patterns.